The author interrupts
My characters have been particularly uncommunicative lately. You must allow me to apologize for them. While we're waiting for them to come up with something interesting, let me tell you about my trip to California.
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My characters have been particularly uncommunicative lately. You must allow me to apologize for them. While we're waiting for them to come up with something interesting, let me tell you about my trip to California.
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I am for Caenby. Mother is not pleased. I've been at home barely a se'enight and already I am deserting. But I cannot get used to the city and I am not ready to be paraded before my mother's friends and my sister's beaux. Moreover, I am not ready to be seen as anyone else's beau, which appears to be the logical consequence of putting on my best clothes and going into public. I feel like a hog to the slaughter.
Edward has invited me to Caenby Castle. When I left England, he was the estranged son of the Earl of Caenby. Now he is the earl. How odd it will be to see him in that role. He has assembled a small party. The purpose seems to be to introduce his friends to the woman he intends to marry. He has not said as much, but the implication is everywhere in his letter. I look forward to seeing my old friend and to wishing him joy.
Willington is packing my trunks. Edward - the Earl of Caenby, that is - has finally decided he must have a house party and Aunt Louisa has agreed that, if we have an invitation, we may go. So, we are off to Lincolnshire in the morning. My heart is dancing. This will be my chance to prove to Edward how well I shall do as his countess. I realize now that Caenby is the perfect place to make my point.
Home. It hardly seems possible. I have a real bed, although not the one my mother had planned. I can't seem to bring myself to sleep on that soft mattress. I know she is miffed that I have moved to the third floor, but I am comfortable here. Except for the the cold. I realize that I should not expect England to be as warm as the Peninsula. And, in many ways, I craved the cool air in which I grew up. But, I had not thought it would be so damned cold. April feels like mid-winter and I find myself huddled by the fire like some old man. I must find some activity before I turn into an ice statue.
Sidney is home! We were gathered in the family drawing room, preparing to go in to dinner when he walked in. I hardly recognized him. He is lean and tanned and so dashing in his uniform. I thought my mother would dissolve when she saw him. She tried to act in a dignified manner but I saw her blinking back tears, and she did give way and hug him. I had no such compunction and practically threw myself at him. Oh! It's so good to have him home.
I believe I have finally convinced Isabel to give up her ridiculous pursuit of the Earl of Caenby. Lord knows he had ample time to form an attachment whilst he was hanging about London waiting for his father to stick his spoon in the wall. But did he? Not that anyone in her set could see.
I know all the girl wants is the security of a comfortable marriage. The baron left her with his fortune, but he also left her with the idea that she needs a peer in order to be happy. She is very dear to me (although I will never tell her so), and I want to see her happy. I am simply not as certain as she is that the answer lies with the earl.
I remain in London. In attempting to convince my aunt to accompany me to Lincolnshire, she has convinced me to stay in town. She is right, of course. London is alive with activity this spring, despite the ridiculously cold weather. There is an amusement every night. And we are daily entertained by the rumoured arrival of royalty from every country ever touched by Bonaparte. My pursuit of Edward must wait. Perhaps if I wait a few weeks, he will pursue me...
Sidney is on his way home! I can hardly wait! Mother says that he will be leaving France at any moment. I wonder if he will recognize me, if he will think I've turned into a beautiful woman. I certainly was not either when he left.
So much has changed. Harold has become so... old and officious since Father died. He acts as though he was the first person ever to be an Earl. And we are in London! Here for my very first season. And I will have Sidney here to give me countenance, for I am sure he will be the handsomest soldier to return from the war. I hope he will like what his little sister has become.
The channel crossing has been surprisingly easy. Not smooth, you understand, but relatively easy. Perhaps it's because we're heading home. Home. It is a very appealing thought, but I cannot help but feel some apprehension as I approach it. I've been gone so long, I hardly know what to expect. When I was last in England, Father had just died, and Harold had become earl. When I was last in England, Mother cried over Father's loss and over my leaving. Julia withdrew into a little cocoon of her own grief and only came out to throw her arms around me and beg me not to leave. But what could I do?
And now I am returning. I have done what I needed to do and what I wanted to do. And I am glad. Glad to have gone and glad, in a tentative way, to be coming home.
I have almost decided to go into Lincolnshire, although I have not heard a word from Edward since he left. Aunt Louisa thinks me completely deranged and swears she will not accompany me. But she will. She always does. Louisa cares too much about the proprieties and about her reputation (and mine) to allow me to set off unchaperoned. Sometimes I think she cares a little too much for the proprieties. But, truth be told, I would not go without her. She doesn't know this, of course, and I have no intention of telling her. I have always been an excellent card player.
